The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
