He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
