I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
