for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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