i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
