my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Randomize
