you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
