your parents love me but you hate me
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
