I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
