I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
