I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
