dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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