wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
