Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
