Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
