But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
