you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
What drink are we having for lunch?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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