the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
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