Screwed.edu
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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