you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
