Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Randomize
