i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
