so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
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