I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
