Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
