We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I am midnight drunk by noon
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
