Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
My liver is preforming stress tests.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
