He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
