you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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