the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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