Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I haven't been this sober since birth.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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