I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
