Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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