3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
He did a backflip because drugs
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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