a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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