i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
