Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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