Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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