hotel room ftw
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
