guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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