I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
And my parents said I crawled through the house
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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