Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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