Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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