i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Two words: blizzard sex
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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