Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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