Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
she told me i tasted like america
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
