we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
