the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
