Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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