I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
