According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
