i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
