So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
